He's Just That Into You

Each week I have the opportunity of serving a meal to a group of forty to fifty female cadets as part of a Christian ladies luncheon during their normal lunch hour. The ladies file in, grab their meal from the buffet, and then head to an assembly room for a brief message that focuses on principles of the Christian faith and their walk with the Lord. This past week as I was eyeing the salad bowl and debating in my mind whether or not I should add more lettuce and such to the bowl, I heard it. And then the debate in my mind switched gears - Should I say something? Do I interrupt? These girls don't know me.. do I have any weight in this conversation? An iron in the fire?  But the talk continued:

Female 1: I went home and bought it. It's a legit book. Stuff like that happens.
Female 2: Have you seen the movie?
Female 3 (who came into conversation late): Are you talking about "He's Just Not That Into You."
Female 1: Yes, It's so good. And that's how guys are.

I couldn't take it any longer and had to interrupt. I, myself, had owned the book at one point in life. I knew what it contained and easily convinced myself to throw the thing away knowing there was nothing biblical within the confines of the front and back cover.

These books - He's Just Not That Into You, Fifty Shades of Grey, The Feminist Mystique, just to name a few- are all steering women away from a dating/courtship that fosters the femininity of a woman and the masculinity of a man. These ladies who long to be in relationship wanted any nugget of information they could receive about the opposite sex and how to "reel" them in or know whether or not they the man was even worth casting a line towards.

As the remainder of our conversation unfolded, I had the opportunity to point these ladies back to the plans of the Lord for their lives, rather than them searching amongst a book written by a man who is not a believer for all the answers to their relationship woes. I needed to point them instead to the One who had written the very story of their lives.

And so, I will share with you. Dear one, if you are single, The Lord knows the plans He has for you. He knew you before you were even a thought in your parents' mind; He knew you before time began. How grand for us to even imagine! Some may venture to ask, "Does He truly give us the desire for marriage, or do we create that one on our own?" I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, marriage is a desire given to us by the Lord. We are already self-centered individuals as singles; therefore, it would be uncharacteristic for a selfish human being to desire to unite with another self-centered human being in matrimony, apart from the Lord's intervention. He plants the desire for marriage within our hearts because it is through the institution of marriage that He will show the world a picture of the gospel. Thus that desire for marriage originates from Him for His purpose of sharing His gospel.

Though this desire for marriage be present, it may not be on our own timetable. It may be years from now. Sigh. I know. I never wanted that either. As the twenty-four year old looked at me seemingly believing I did not understand her desire for marriage, I could only reply with a response of my age when I was married. I married Jeremy six months after I turned 31 and ten years after I thought I would be married. Though some may be older and still single, I use this example to firmly declare the timing is not our own.

"Erase my desire, Lord!," you may say. Yet as the clay cannot speak back to the potter, why would we fight against the One who has given such desires. If He has given, we must receive and trust that He will fulfill.

There is One who is in to you. He is completely into you - so into you that He gave His Son as your ransom. He put His wrath towards His one and only Son that you might live - live and be free, and live unto Him. Dear sister, because of this, rest assured that He has wonderful plans for your life - possibly a husband and family of your own, possibly a ministry you've wanted to pour in to, possibly a home in another country to share more of Him - whatever it be, He has you. He has your plans and will reveal them in His perfect timing. He has your future -- because He's just that into you.

An aside: I loved reading Passion and Purity and Quest for Love by Elisabeth Elliot during the season of singleness.

All in His time

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

This verse gives us hope of all things happening in the Lord's timing, yet often we fail to acknowledge the reality of His timing. We want everything to happen in our plan of time - when and how we want it all to unfold. No greater time is the verse applicable than in the time I was praying for a husband and deemed the time as at that very moment for the Lord provide me a husband. Cue the tapping impatient foot.

Lately I've been scrolling through the newsfeed on Facebook and seeing several friends who have recently become involved in relationships. My heart leaps with joy for them, and I am genuinely encouraged by all that is unfolding in their lives. However, what I have decided to write about here is  just how the Lord has shown Himself to me via these young women becoming involved in relationships.

God's timing is perfect. PERFECT. I spent years praying for a husband. I am certain these women have spent more than a day also praying for the mate the Lord has for them. Though we don't know the end to which these relationships will take, our God has brought these men into their lives now. It wasn't because I was doing everything right; it wasn't because they are doing everything right. It was because our God deemed it time. I think back to all the wasted, yes I said wasted, hours of crying over not having a mate. All along the Lord knew April 2014 would be the time of introduction. Other desires of my heart were met in every way. Desires He planted in my heart, He also granted. The fret and the worry and the frustration built up to a moment that unfolded in meeting Jeremy and not a moment sooner. My point is this: we can not see all the Lord is doing, but if we trust He loves us (and He does) then we must submit to what He has in store for us knowing it is for our good - whether it is a trip to share the Gospel to a people in another country, a new job, a 6'2 man who loves Jesus or the trip of a lifetime.

I can't get over how God works all things to His good and glory. We don't understand His timing because He is not working on a timetable. A day is a 1000 years. But His ways are higher than our own.

If you are dating, trust in the Lord's timing. Trust in the moment now. Live in this moment, and live it to the hilt for this is His will for your life.
If you are single, take heart. The Lord is working 10,000 things at one time, and you may be aware of 3 (care of Piper). He has planted these desires in your heart. Surrender to the desires of your heart and be amazed. His timing will unfold. It absolutely will! I believe that. I'm believing it now as a wife, and hopefully one day a mother.

Yes, there is a time for every matter under heaven. It leaves me breathless. It leaves me hopeful. It leaves me at peace.

That Season: Long Distance Lovin'

Happy February fine folks! I consider it a personal achievement when I make it through the month of January. We are forced to move to Feb and then led sweetly into the madness of March. I believe I can speak for the majority of the US population when I say we are all bracing for impact until March arrives. On an unrelated side note, I've always been fascinated with February due to a sweet little fifth grade moment when we spent the entire week doing Valentine's and Black History projects. Jeremy applauds my fantastic memory! I could go on about all of that but I shan't. (Shall not, people!) We've got better things to discuss-

Though some prefer to not embark on the wondrous adventures of long distance love, I have found myself to come quite fond of them myself. I say this quite sarcastically because long distance found me. I rarely met a guy in the 30 mile radius to date, so when those from afar came knocking at the door I was happy to oblige.  Here I attempt to break down the good and the bad of long distance love.

The Good
1) Communication, communication, communication - That's all you've got! A date with a long distance love doesn't always look like a cup of coffee or walk through the park. What it does look like- racking up a ton of minutes to Verizon. Trust me, in those conversations you cover a lot of ground. You talk about topics that some closer distance couples might not have even approached yet. It boils down to this- if you want to spend time with the person, you have to talk. And when you have to talk, topics come up! That's all you have until the flight time comes, and you can visit.

2) Social calendar- I always tried to schedule time with friends around when I knew I'd be able to talk to Jeremy. He was relaxed with all of that too. I found myself to be thankful for the ability to maintain friendships and a single girl routine when he and I weren't visiting one another. He is and was important to me, but I wasn't married yet. I've seen and heard of gals who drop their friends when a beau comes around. It never ends pretty, including a few disgruntled bridesmaids. Use the time of distance to nurture friendships, so they can be maintained if "I dos" are ever in the future.

3) Boundaries- When you aren't always together, it's easier to keep the physical boundaries in check. Sex is such a beautiful gift from the Lord, but the temptation is fierce. Distance helps with that.

4) Make Skype dates a date - My friend, Emily, gave me a great idea when Jeremy and I first started dating. She would wear a cute dress and make up and fix the hair often before she would Skype with her boyfriend. A lot of times our Skype sessions would look like me post-gym. So when I did take the extra effort, someone noticed. And someone was happy!

5) Time together is the best. You're time together, when the opportunity arises is so special. You are intentional. You are packing the weekend full of togetherness. It's all about you and him - no phone calls, few texts, few email checks. And that makes it the best!

6) Long distance love for the settled married. One would think the transition from long distance love to a married couple would be itchy friction. Not so much. My friend Torri encouraged me tremendously when she told me we'd finally get to "just be". I couldn't agree more. We are now able to just be in the same place. We can just sit on the same couch. We can just go to dinner together without having to wait for time in between. We are finally able to just be.

The Bad
These are too a minimum because I think the sweetness of the Good is much better and far outweighs the bad. But I promised; therefore, I shall deliver:

1) Facial expressions, tones etc - You can't always pick up on the mannerisms over the phone. But marriage is about learning right?

2) Obviously, you don't get to see the person right when you want to. I remember a bad day for the books. I wanted nothing more than to just talk to Jeremy and have him sit right beside me. What it actually looked like was me talking to him on the phone and then crying in the grocery store parking lot. Apparently that's where it made it all better.

3) Flight prices are not for the faint at heart. So save a little. Don't eat out as much, and make Kayak.com your friend.

Long distance lovin' can be hard. It can be straining. But it can also be sweet, exhilarating and peaceful - because when you get off the plane, you know he's there. You know he's waiting. You know your time together is just beginning all over again!

Thoughts on Online Dating

It's that moment of pure honesty. Everything gets quiet. And you have to answer.

Yesterday I met quite a few sweet ladies at my first post Bible study. Side note: While I was sitting in the pew, I kept thanking the Lord for His provision. I didn't think I would find the connection of other Christian women once I moved, but goodnight! They were everywhere. 

Back to the story. A girl my age introduced herself, and we began to talk. She actually graduated from Clemson. I was already feeling at home, even if I don't associate with orange in football attire. However, after talking for a bit we had a "7 degrees of Kevin Bacon" moment and realized that her best friend in school married a guy I went to high school. Yep. Then I found out her husband graduated from West Point a year after mine. Being the quick geographical estimator that I am, I knew the two were far apart during dating. As you guessed it, I asked "How in the world did y'all meet?" It was a little softer answer this time, and she replied "EHarmony." To which I said, "Girl please we met through a blog."

When I was leaving the Point, I started thinking about a myriad of things because in my head they all flow together. On Sunday, our pastor spoke about Biblical manhood and the lack thereof in our world today. When I say "world", I most nearly mean the generation of the mid-30's and younger. Sadly, it will probably only get worse. (This will all tie together, I promise.)

In a time when men (for the most part) are lassiez-faire about seeking a mate or committing to a mate - where are the girls who desire to marry supposed to find husbands? I certainly realize I am OVER-generalizing here. But I know too many, I mean TOO MANY, beautiful single ladies in their 20's and 30's who should have already been snatched up. They should be married by now. They should have guys lining up to win their hearts. Jeremy and I were discussing this very thing about a sweet friend of mine - We can't believe she doesn't have suitors every weekend.

Work with me here. I was in seminary for 3 years and lived around the area for an additional 5 years. I had maybe 2 dates during that time period. I know a'many of girls in the area who are godly, beautiful, funny primetime wife material where the same can be said of them. -- Why? -- because these girls aren't throwing themselves at men. They aren't asking men out. 

With that being said, where are women to look? I promised this would come full circle. I think online dating once had a bad stigma to it. I'll be the first to admit that I did not want to be involved in online dating of any kind because I felt like a) It looked like I wasn't trusting God and b) I thought it made me look desperate.  However, times are changing. 

Online dating seems to me to be the most beneficial route these days into finding potential dates and husbands/wives. I specifically want to throw my tokens into the EHarmony basket. This one is the most expensive and has a bazillion questions. What man is going to a) pay that price and b) spend his time answering those bazillions if he's not potentially seeking to find a date or wife himself. 

Ladies, I say all this because you can sit and wonder where the guys are (ummm... I wondered for years in a prime area) or you can be active and at least put yourself out there in an arena where guys are actively looking. 

I realize I man-bashed a little. I'm thankful I have a good one and no bashing is necessary. But the ladies have to take a step up too: 

- Be open to the process.

- Be open to someone even if he doesn't exactly match your physical appearance requirements.

- Determine the most important characteristics that you want to be compatible with a person (Ex. physically active, drinking alcohol, kids, basic Christian beliefs). This does not include I like Friends, and he hates it. See what I mean?

- Always meet up in public.

- Being on Eharmony doesn't print out a marriage license for you. That takes a lot longer. So give this a shot. It's not legally binding.

I have several friends who have met their significant other online. Nowadays, I think it allows us to see/find those who are actively looking and seeking to find a high quality gal like my many friends. Like I said, we met on a blog. It's a little different but still the same. I didn't know Jeremy at all. I had to decide for myself if I was going to move forward or not. Jeremy was deliberate and purposeful even in online pursuit. I think he is the most handsome man but I was initially attracted to his faith, value of education, and how active he was. That stood out the most and so I moved forward. I'm not sure why I felt the need to share some of our story, but I did. 

And there you have it, my thoughts on online dating. No need for the quiet answer. Just shout it to the world. It's ok.

How I Met Your Mother.. Except Not

Every time I go to see Jeremy, we end up watching a few episodes of "How I Met Your Mother." I never watched the show when it was in the prime of its life on CBS. That seems to be the case for me. I catch on to a show years later. The same can be said of 90210, Friends, and Dawson's Creek. So watching this show, I've found it be to quite interesting and addicting and possibly making a commitment sans being in Newburgh. But today's post is not about that at all. Didn't you read the "Except Not" in the title?

Today's post is about... How I Met Jeremy. It's the cool, new spin-off that everyone's talking about! (I've been meaning to write this post for a while.. and the title of the post finally came.)

This is the story all about how - Wait! Wrong show. Anyway. My friend Kathryn at Hand Me Down Style and I were having dinner with friends one night. I was probably going on and on about being single and not wanting to do Eharmony. I'm not absolutely certain that was how the conversation went down, but I do know we were planning a bday party for Kelly and that I mentioned NO to Eharmony. The next day Kelly's Korner hosted Show Us Your Singles. She does this every now and then. Friends can write about their single friends (girls or guys) for all the world to see. Kathryn texted and asked if I would be okay with her posting me. Hmmm.. It took a few minutes, but okay why not? I sent some pictures over and a post soon went up. Mind you, this was January. The week went by, and there were no comments. No big deal. Moving right along. Kelly continued to post other random things about her life. Kathryn posted other random things about her life. And I continued to post on my own blog. Life goes on right? That's another show too!

Well, fast forward it to April. I'm out with friends late one night. I've had a cheeseburger for dinner. Life is good. Amanda and I've walked over to this rooftop bar - a water for me and less than appealing conversation otherwise. I look down and have an email from Kathryn that she's forwarded. It says "Show Us Your Singles - A little late." Ummm.. what? I didn't read the email until I got home that night, and read it several more times. I finally decided to email this guy back and keep my Cadbury eggs. He found me 3 months later! He isn't an avid reader of Kelly's Korner, but a friend told him about the whole singles deal. One email led to another.. then another.. then there were phone calls. And we finally met in Atlanta on my birthday! There was a very long hall to walk down to meet this guy, who I'd only seen in pictures and heard his voice. Thankfully.. very thankfully.. he was not standing at the end of the hallway. That would have been nerve-wracking city! But he was to the side. I turned the corner. Breathed a deep sigh of relief. Jeremy was handsome! And my date for the night!...

And here we are 9 months later! Very thankful for this guy!
(Also it should be noted that blog reading has paid off in this fashion.)