Thursday, November 5, 2015

Thoughts on Online Dating

It's that moment of pure honesty. Everything gets quiet. And you have to answer.

Yesterday I met quite a few sweet ladies at my first post Bible study. Side note: While I was sitting in the pew, I kept thanking the Lord for His provision. I didn't think I would find the connection of other Christian women once I moved, but goodnight! They were everywhere. 

Back to the story. A girl my age introduced herself, and we began to talk. She actually graduated from Clemson. I was already feeling at home, even if I don't associate with orange in football attire. However, after talking for a bit we had a "7 degrees of Kevin Bacon" moment and realized that her best friend in school married a guy I went to high school. Yep. Then I found out her husband graduated from West Point a year after mine. Being the quick geographical estimator that I am, I knew the two were far apart during dating. As you guessed it, I asked "How in the world did y'all meet?" It was a little softer answer this time, and she replied "EHarmony." To which I said, "Girl please we met through a blog."

When I was leaving the Point, I started thinking about a myriad of things because in my head they all flow together. On Sunday, our pastor spoke about Biblical manhood and the lack thereof in our world today. When I say "world", I most nearly mean the generation of the mid-30's and younger. Sadly, it will probably only get worse. (This will all tie together, I promise.)

In a time when men (for the most part) are lassiez-faire about seeking a mate or committing to a mate - where are the girls who desire to marry supposed to find husbands? I certainly realize I am OVER-generalizing here. But I know too many, I mean TOO MANY, beautiful single ladies in their 20's and 30's who should have already been snatched up. They should be married by now. They should have guys lining up to win their hearts. Jeremy and I were discussing this very thing about a sweet friend of mine - We can't believe she doesn't have suitors every weekend.

Work with me here. I was in seminary for 3 years and lived around the area for an additional 5 years. I had maybe 2 dates during that time period. I know a'many of girls in the area who are godly, beautiful, funny primetime wife material where the same can be said of them. -- Why? -- because these girls aren't throwing themselves at men. They aren't asking men out. 

With that being said, where are women to look? I promised this would come full circle. I think online dating once had a bad stigma to it. I'll be the first to admit that I did not want to be involved in online dating of any kind because I felt like a) It looked like I wasn't trusting God and b) I thought it made me look desperate.  However, times are changing. 

Online dating seems to me to be the most beneficial route these days into finding potential dates and husbands/wives. I specifically want to throw my tokens into the EHarmony basket. This one is the most expensive and has a bazillion questions. What man is going to a) pay that price and b) spend his time answering those bazillions if he's not potentially seeking to find a date or wife himself. 

Ladies, I say all this because you can sit and wonder where the guys are (ummm... I wondered for years in a prime area) or you can be active and at least put yourself out there in an arena where guys are actively looking. 

I realize I man-bashed a little. I'm thankful I have a good one and no bashing is necessary. But the ladies have to take a step up too: 
- Be open to the process.
- Be open to someone even if he doesn't exactly match your physical appearance requirements.
- Determine the most important characteristics that you want to be compatible with a person (Ex. physically active, drinking alcohol, kids, basic Christian beliefs). This does not include I like Friends, and he hates it. See what I mean?
- Always meet up in public.
- Being on Eharmony doesn't print out a marriage license for you. That takes a lot longer. So give this a shot. It's not legally binding.

I have several friends who have met their significant other online. Nowadays, I think it allows us to see/find those who are actively looking and seeking to find a high quality gal like my many friends. Like I said, we met on a blog. It's a little different but still the same. I didn't know Jeremy at all. I had to decide for myself if I was going to move forward or not. Jeremy was deliberate and purposeful even in online pursuit. I think he is the most handsome man but I was initially attracted to his faith, value of education, and how active he was. That stood out the most and so I moved forward. I'm not sure why I felt the need to share some of our story, but I did. 

And there you have it, my thoughts on online dating. No need for the quiet answer. Just shout it to the world. It's ok.


  1. I think you'll find that military families are quick to offer friendship - we're all in the same boat and why spend time with chit chatty stuff when time is short? Just jump in with both feet! It's the local crowd that always seems to take at least a year to open up. All that to say - rejoicing with you! And, we have two looks even scarier when your offspring are involved!

  2. My boyfriend and I met online-- he was in Fort Polk, LA and I was in Kentucky. I actually made the first move and messaged him first and I'm so glad I did!