Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Post Op Update

I'll be the first to admit that I went to all the wrong places looking for any information I could find on cyst removal. Think message boards with uneducated folks sharing their experiences. That's where I was for the week leading up to surgery and for a time after surgery. Every little ache, pain and discomfort I experienced, my fingers could not type it in Google fast enough. This is where things always go south, my friends. I'd heard of how people do this, and I became her. Google had an answer for all- by the time all was said and done, I'd figured out that I had appendicitis and another cyst just 48 hours after surgery was completed. Why yes, yes I did.

My doctor wanted me to schedule my first post-op appointment with him a month in to recovery. Last week Jeremy and I went to my regularly scheduled appointment, and guess what? There was not a sign of appendicitis (clearly that would have been an urgent matter and not waiting a month) nor another cyst as far as we know. The doctor did not perform another ultrasound, but based on the type of cyst I had, it takes a bit of time for those to redevelop. 

Can I tell you something? I still heard the doctors words. I heard every word he said. And I came home and cried my eyeballs out the next day. What if the cyst does come back one day? What if this prevents me from getting pregnant? What if my tubes are found to have endometriosis? What if I get pregnant and miscarry? The "What-ifs" continued to mount. It was one thing after the next. A spiral, if you will. And here's where I landed, thankful to land on a solid ground (though it most cases that would hurt). 

Tears of repentance are a beautiful thing. It is the Lord's grace that brings repentance. These fears had consumed me. Jeremy would lovingly point out my fears and my need to trust the Lord, but I didn't want to hear any of that. I wanted to pout. I wanted to worry. I wanted to fret. The Lord is gracious to use the husband and friends who speak Truth to lead us to where He needs us -- fully submitted to Him. 

The Lord is good. He has placed highly trained professionals in my life who didn't blink, wrinkle their brow or panic at any point during this cyst debacle. There was no "rushing" to the ER. There was no stat tests. There was simply precautionary measurements taken to insure optimum fertility. And the rest is in the hands of God. This is where I sit today. I am trusting the Lord, though terrified, knowing that He is good. All things are in His time, and He has taken care of us thus far.

On Sunday afternoon here in the Empire State, I witnessed two little miracles - It was a high of 68, and I was able to run outside on our bridge for the first time since surgery. I'd done a little shuffle on the treadmill Thursday, but I was running at a slow pace. On Sunday, I ran with my arms wide open just praising the Lord. I did not think I would see that day for quite some time. 

I find Jeremy's class motto to be aptly appropriate for this season of my life, yet I will change it a little. The class motto was chosen from George W Bush's speech post 9/11 attacks: Never falter, Never quit.

Except this is my hope - He [our God] never falters; He [my God] never quits. 

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