Saturday, August 13, 2016

Do Over

The other night Jeremy and I were on the couch watching none other than Bachelor in Paradise. Now, let me say Jeremy is not overly invested in the show. He was watching because of the Chad bear. We will leave it at that. However, while we were watching I was reminded of some of the many dumb things I did to attract a guy's attention. Not just one guy; there were several in the vault that I had my eyes on over the years. I was a good party-planner and always knew exactly who to invite, if you catch the drift. As Elisabeth Elliot said, we all have our own bag of tricks.

In that moment, I realized how much easier life would've been if I'd just trusted the Lord to take control of the situation - to bring me the mate He had for me. Sure, that's how it ended. It ended with Jeremy being given to me as a sweet, precious gift and nothing I had to concoct or plan. It was finally God's plan that had poured forth when I came to the end of myself. I commented to Jeremy how much I would like to do it all over again. I believe there were moments that could have been avoided - moments where I might have been up for the chase or the challenge, rather than allowing a man to pursue me. Of course, this time around should I have been granted a do over would hopefully look different - more patience, more trusting in the waiting, more contentment.

Fast forward to this morning. Thankfully I don't have to do any of that over as far as the dating scene goes, and I'm able to wake up to Jeremy every morning. But this particular morning there was a lot on my mind. The wheels were turning faster than I could keep up with my thoughts. When Jeremy walked into the bathroom to get ready, the only thing I could do was cry. In his steadiness (The LORD knew I needed that), Jeremy reminded me that my thoughts can spin out of control but I can choose to trust God. The moment passed, and I continued to get ready. The Holy Spirit took Jeremy's words and paired them with the words I'd mentioned only a few days earlier - "I would do it over again differently." Each season brings an opportunity to trust God. The matter at hand may look differently, but the opportunity still affords us the chance to release control to the One we trust. In theory, we can say we believe.. but our belief system is fully played out in the practical. This means saying and doing the act of trusting.

While sitting at church this morning, I was thinking of the walls of Jericho because Jeremy was teaching from Joshua. The God who brought down the walls of Jericho is the same God who brings down my trust walls. He gives me a "do - over". He gives me a mulligan. Grace.

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