Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Monica in Me - Part 2

I've been told I look like a Rachael, and I'm pretty sure at times I act like a Phoebe. But deep down inside there is Monica.  I like for everything to be neat and in it's place. True relaxation doesn't start until it is. I want to be the hostess and make fun stuff for my friends. I want to be in control of every aspect of my life.. thence, I am Monica.  There's a point I promise. -- I wrote this beginning to the post "Monica in Me" just about a year ago. Let me expand here in Part 2.

I think it's safe to say that we are all overwhelmed and stunned by the tornadoes that happened in Oklahoma.  I don't very well know how I missed it all, but I didn't catch wind of it until wait late Monday night.  If you're like me [and you may not be, that's okay too], natural disasters are scary, but it's easy for me to say "God is sovereign."  Yes, my heartaches for the families who have lost their homes and more importantly their family members because of these events.  But it's easier for me to grasp God's sovereignty in natural events.  He is the Creator thus He is in control of the weather.  The weather did not just happen.  He made it happen. The Monica in me easily accepts that.

But the Monica/ control freak within me does not accept or understand His sovereignty in the smallest parts of my life.  I won't say that I don't completely understand it, but I question His sovereignty probably more than I should.  Sometimes I think .. well I should have done that and this would not have happened.  Or maybe I didn't try hard enough.  Or maybe if I would have said this instead of that.. and the list could go on.  Hopefully you can kind of understand where I am coming from.  I prayed something fierce Monday evening that I would understand and see God's sovereignty.  PS- This was before I knew of the tornadoes.  God was faithful to answer that prayer and show me His sovereignty in the events that happened in Oklahoma. [Sovereignty in the grand scheme.]  But I also realized last night that it is more difficult for me to grasp God's sovereignty on a small level because of my desire and feeling of necessity to keep control in my right hand. - to have everything under control and make things happen the way that I want them too.  This is the Monica in me. It is a fail.  The Monica in me fails to live in submission to the will of God.  I try to concoct and twist things the way they would work best for me.  This equals a failure to be in submission to Jesus Christ as Lord.

Here is a quote that captivated my a couple of years ago and I find myself overcome by it:

“Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His lordship.” - Elisabeth Elliot

The Monica in me.. must surrender.  His plans are greater.  Though I don't understand something in this very moment, He will make it clear.  

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