Thursday, October 4, 2012

New Perspective

This time of year - about two years ago- I was fighting something serious to get out of Raleigh. I was trying so hard to find a job in Nashville, TN. Not to be confused with Nashville, NC. I don't think that has EVER crossed my mind. But I digress. I was fighting hard! I believe that I had applied for a solid 50 or so jobs in the Nashville area over the course of 3 months. I only ended up with one interview that quickly showed me that this was not where God had me to be [at that time]. I even went and looked at apartments determined to move anyways. But God shut those doors rather quickly. And when I say quickly, I mean it was right in the middle of driving back from our night out on the town in Nashville. I knew then that Nashville was not my route.

Last year our lease was up, and in the end it was a simple decision to renew. God had not opened any new doors, and I was okay staying around Raleigh.  I do believe the greater fear was leaving the familiar. But I also think the baby bird wasn't ready to fly from the nest.

Fast forward to the now. I have new perspective on this whole deal.  For the most part I have fought this battle because I felt entitled to a particular job. I had the education, now give me the job. That was my thought - for real. I have been working on and off at the credit union for about 5 years now. I appreciate my job. "It pays the bills", as one might say.  I have been thinking and praying a lot over the past couple of weeks. I realize that God has given me a wonderful education.  The new perspective is that I feel like I am not doing what I have been purposed for - what that is.. I don't know? I do know that SECU is my safety net.  It's what I know.  But this isn't what I want to do the rest of my life.  I feel like I am not using the education God has gifted me with, whether it be Women's Studies or History or both.  I feel like their is a whole world out there at my finger tips - waiting to be explored; but yet, I stay here because it is what is familiar and safe and I can control.  That is what it boils down to.  At this moment, God may have me to stay in Raleigh. I am praying through it all.  But I know that unless I put myself out there to various places, I will never know.  They won't know me, if I don't do something about it.  To you this may seem like the same perspective I had two years ago. But to me it's different.  I think I am submitting my plans to the Lord. Then I was for real just fighting for one way. God is good to still love me after all that. 

Maybe the baby bird in me is ready to fly... yikes haha

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