Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Sunday was one of those days. I got home from church and was just drawn to my Bible. It was one of those days where I was reading and reading and kept asking myself all at the same time, "Do I really believe this?" In those moments when that happens, I completely begin to question if I'm saved, why I went to seminary, my purpose, etc. This is just me being honest about all that. I went to Romans 8 and camped out there for a bit. I've come to realize that these moments are good. What initially seems scary is actually good because it brings me back to the place of me being a sinner before a holy God who loves me. He loves me enough to have sent His Son to die in my place and wash away my sins. I stand clothed in righteousness because of the blood shed for me.  I didn't say too much at wepod Sunday night because the thoughts of the day were still running through my mind. In the end of my drive, I just had the overwhelming peace that surpasses all understanding [like mentioned in Phillippians]. And it simply came from the immediate thought that I am saved by grace.  Though I don't understand it all and I never will because that is what makes God to be the One True God, it is His grace that saves us and nothing else.  I began reading Knowing God by Packer again on Monday. Reading the following, I had one of those "ah ha" and "Praise the Lord" moments all wrapped into one.

"Meditation is the activity of calling to mind, and thinking over, and dwelling on, and applying to oneself, the various things that one knows about the works and ways and purposes and promises of God. It is an activity of holy thought, consciously performed in the presence of God, under the eye of God, by the help of God, as a means of communication with God.  Its purpose is to clear one's mental and spiritual vision of God, and to let his truth make it sufll and proper impact on one's mind and heart. It is a matter of talking to oneself about God and oneself; it is , indeed, often a matter of arguing with oneself, reasoning  oneself out of moods of doubt and unbelief into a clear apprehension og God's power and grace."

This is one of the ways we can come to know God. It is not merely knowing who He is.. but knowing Him.

Saved by grace!

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