Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Non-Flirters Non-anonymus

I feel like I should be at a meeting where I'm sitting around a circle of girls, and I just confess. It's not alcohol [never would be], or gambling, or overeating. But it is a confession nonetheless. And so, I confess now, I don't know how to flirt. It's not a new revelation.  I would be willing to put it out there and say that I've never mastered that little tactic we call flirting, which catches the eye of a prospective male, and then it all begins.  My inability to flirt has become all too noticeable lately.  Lindsay likes to ever so bluntly remind me of my inability. But she doesn't flirt well either, so we are one in the same.  But here are a few case in points:

- I'm at Firehouse Subs trying to get a chocolate chip cookie.  The noticeably younger, but cute male employee tries to give me the cookie for free. After a few moments of back and forth. I finally just say "Here's the dollar!" and walk off.  I mean.. really.. yes, he was younger. But I could have had a free cookie.

- Monday night I opened a can of peas for dinner. After using the can opener, I then proceed to pull the lid up with my fingers. Of course, I get a huge cut on my thumb. Side note: To which I aptly responded that it was going to mess up my "texting" thumb. ugh! Resume story. Yesterday at work, I am fiddling with a band-aid that needs to be put over the cut. My co-worker offers twice to help me put the bandage on.  How do I respond: "No, I've got it!" 

- And what I've realized lately is that if I'm actually attracted to someone, I won't look them in the eye. Hello! Doesn't eye contact mean you're interested? Why do I do the opposite.

And for Lindsay Core and maybe Tyler [if he reads this] because they will understand: "You're throwing ice at me! Stop!"

This is how I flirt. There is nothing spectacular. It is nothing at all. And so the way that I combat my lack of flirting abilities is that I say.. He's just going to have to stand right in front of my face. He's going to have to say "Can I take you out sometime?" No flirting needed. I will work harder at perfecting the flirt situation. It is what it is. But I will work on it. No elbows. No knees. We will first work on eye contact. 

There.. I've said it. I've made my confession, and it is out in the open.

This is my life... and I love it.

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