Monday, October 3, 2016

Year One of Forever Like That

I've been married for a year. What the heck? Those were the first words I wrote in my journal this morning. I had an entirely different post prepared for today, but I decided to scratch it and write this.

The night before our wedding I wept/ cried uncontrollably as I flipped through a journal of prayers I'd been writing for at least seven years for my future husband. As I prepared to write a note to Jeremy on the first page, I couldn't believe the specific ways in which the Lord had heard my prayers and granted my requests in Jeremy. More than being thankful for Jeremy, I was in awe of how our God, my God is so in tune to our needs and worthy of my worship at every moment. The next day proved to be a day of the Lord's faithfulness.

David's Bridal has a neat tradition of allowing the bride to ring the magic bell once she has found THE dress. I was told to make a wish during that time for my wedding day and for our marriage. I'm now okay sharing that wish: I wanted Christ to be the center of our wedding day and marriage. With waters rising, roads flooding, electricity absentee, I can truly say the Lord was the center of our day. It didn't matter to me that any of these complications were happening - I can't even begin to describe the peace from the Lord that calmed my heart. It was the peace the surpasses all understanding. I was going to get married, and that was that. The day was beautiful - rain and all - Christ was the center: "Your God is my God."

I commented to Jeremy on Saturday night as we headed to our anniversary dinner just how fearful I was as I traveled through our town by myself during those first few weeks of being in the North. My white knuckles from the intense grip on the steering wheel proved the level of uncertainty. The intense grip somewhat symbolized my entire view of life at that moment. Here I was - new to married life, new to Army life, and new to the North. How was I going to do this? It could have been the perfect storm. I'd never been one to deal well with transition; seventh grade is the testimony to that. Yet, there were only a few minor breakdowns. Through it all the Lord proved to be my strength during this first year. When the enemy whispered I was not a good enough wife, I took up my armor. When the disagreements came, the Holy Spirit reminded me of our union in Christ and the covenant of marriage .When I couldn't stop laughing at Jeremy, the Lord reminded me of the great joy of marriage. Through this past year, the fear dissipated. The knuckles aren't white any more.

In the middle of all of this, the Lord has taught me much about His timing. I remember going to sleep one night and going through the random list of wonderful young men I'd hoped to spark a relationship with. Time and again it didn't work out. Oh believe me, I had the bags of tricks. I knew my way to the gym. And yet, none of those worked out. I'd come to believe I would never get married. I'd come to terms with God's plan and His absolute intervention in my dating life should He see fit for me to marry. I knew I needed to be available to that, but I also knew my life was in the now. And now, I am married to the one the Lord had for me from the beginning. He knew I needed someone who could teach me His Word and challenge me. He knew I needed one who didn't mind my emotional side. He knew I even needed one who wasn't afraid to eat a cheeseburger and greasy fries followed by a slice of cake without any qualms. He knew I needed Jeremy. It has taken so long for me to see the continual hand of the Sovereign God in our relationship, engagement and marriage. But His hand in my life is good. He is good. And that is the promise I am clinging to after this first year: The Lord's timing is perfect! His gifts are good and perfect! James 1:17

Was there some magical formula for my knight to enter the picture? No. I don't believe so. I believe it was a surrender of the will. The will that I'd held on to for so long - the one that demanded a husband and couldn't see it any other way; the will that demanded he look and act a certain way; the will that wanted what I wanted rather than what the Lord wanted. In surrender the Lord brought me Jeremy.

Fast forward to a year later. We've traveled and shared so many adventures- Woodstock, Niagara Falls, Toronto, Disney World, the Jersey Shore, NYC. We've argued. We've laughed. We've made our way through most of One Tree Hill. We disagree. We are snippy with each other every now and then. We finish each other's sentences. We jam out together and have dance parties on the occasion. We love to eat and run and run and eat.  We sing. We crack up at inside jokes.  We do what married people do. We are each other's best friend. And Christ is at the center of it all. He holds us together. This has been year one of forever like that.

I wanna love you, forever I do.
I wanna spend all of my days with you.
I'll carry your burdens and be the wind at your back.
I wanna spend my forever-forever like that.

To Jeremy, You make me laugh. 
You make me smile. 
You frustrate me. You are my teacher.
You challenge me. 
You get on my nerves every now and again. 
You are corny. You are my comforter. You are my protector. 
You are the one I get to share the bed with every single night. 
If it's the Lord's will, you will one day be my baby daddy. 
You are my friend.
You are my husband. 
I love you. 
Thank you for this year and this glimpse of heaven.
Happy Anniversary!

PS- The part about the cheeseburgers and fries and cakes was written last Wednesday. I just realized when I read this post over again that indeed.. we had burgers, fries and cake yesterday. Not even planned. It's just what we do.

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