Promised Land

Jeremy was running late for work. I was cramping like a champ. My hair curled perfectly with time to spare. I sat down to watch Today and send a wedding gift, only to realize that I needed to be leaving the house at that moment. I still needed the earrings, the cardigan, and the coat. I then had an urgent phone call that needed my attention. The snack, the Bible, and book managed to get thrown into the front seat. My car was covered - I mean covered!- with these nasty berries that look like bird poop. I roll into the Bible study a little later and drop off my snack.

Then we sing "You're a good good Father! It's who you are!"

And I paused in singing that song - because none of the rest of my morning mattered. It was only the moment of where I was standing that mattered most. I could clearly see how the enemy was doing everything in his chained power to taunt me that I needed not a Bible study but a "Me" day. With the beginning of the "Believing God" study, I didn't need to be anywhere else but in that pew, in that seat - listening. My prayer this morning was that God would speak to me - not Beth, but God. Stay with me here.

A year ago today I was sitting in a chapel service at the Baptist State Convention. I only went to chapel services every so often because I had other work to do. But this particular day in 2015 (a year ago), I decided to go. I don't remember much about the passage being discussed. I think it was about Peter and being called to walk on water. Maybe not. I do remember, however-very clearly, the pastor saying this: What is God calling you to at this very moment that you're afraid to do? What is He calling you to? I knew the answer very quickly and tears began to stream down my face. You should know this isn't unusual for me - I cry A LOT! But I cried because I knew that moment God was calling me to marry Jeremy. I didn't know when or how or in what way, but I needed to trust God and Jeremy this would come to pass. I would marry Jeremy one day. I was terrified. I wanted control. I wanted immediate answers and that's why I'd been unwilling to listen for so long.

A year later, today, I was sitting in a group of ladies listening to Beth Moore speak in her Texan charm. in the basement of the chapel on post. She began to speak of the Promised Land and Israelites and Deuteronomy and Hebrews and how the Israelites failed to enter God's rest. They missed the Promised Land because of unbelief. Though I ultimately believe that the Promised Land of the Old Testament is a type or representation of our promised life with Christ in eternity, I think there are also the lesser Promised Land types of today that God calls us too. He gives us blessings each day that we fail to embrace because of our fear, doubt, feelings of being unworthy - etc. We are just as the Israelites wandering in the desert looking for the promises He's already given. 

I have never wanted a career. I only wanted to be a wife. I've always wanted to be a helpmate to my husband and a mother to our children. And yet He's bountifully given me this role and I wander around thinking "Am I doing enough?" The enemy taunts me with feeling as if I am lesser of a person because I don't have some sort of career notoriety. I am thankful the Lord is gentle, aren't you? He has shown me over the last couple of days the blessings of this life that He's given me. He has encouraged me to run fully after the role of being a wife to Jeremy. He has given me such joy to see my husband fast asleep beside me in the middle of the night. He has shown me such grace when I fail to be the wife Jeremy needs; Jeremy has shown me the same grace. 

The call on my life to be Jeremy's wife comes with excitement and fear, love and peace, doubt and trust but my God has called me here. And because He is a good, good Father, I know He is greater. He has lead me to this moment, almost 4months in, and I refuse to be like the spies who feared the Promised Land and let this blessing of marriage pass me by.

It's who He is. He's a good, good Father. And I am loved by Him.