Friday, November 20, 2015

Immeasurably More: Thankful

This marriage thing. This moving to New York thing. This becoming a wife thing. This moving to the North thing. This no friends thing. All of that got the best of me on Wednesday morning. It resulted in me bawling my eyeballs out next to Jeremy in his truck. I mean, it was what he called the crocodile tears. They wouldn't stop. I liken it to a melt down. And though, I am a frequent cryer. This seemed like the moment that all just got out. You know those moments, where it's like you finally breathe but really it's more of a cry. I say this to let you know that it's not always rainbows and unicorns in these parts. Yes, it's grand and I love being married to my best friend. But sometimes I make it hard. When I make it hard, my vision is distorted. I turn into myself and I just flail. I'm not quite even sure what I was crying about at that moment - probably the whole being a wife and being new at the game and finding her place in life and loving it. It was that cry, and it happened.

And I'm certainly not the best at getting when God is trying to speak to me. My own voice crowds out His. But today, I took a brief moment to just pray. Instead of praying, it's more of a talking to God. You see, I've dealt with a significant amount of doubt here lately in my life. For the life of my I can't understand why God has led me to this place. In the moment this afternoon, I just shrugged and began praying. But I started by thanking Him. I'm trying to make this a greater practice because if not then I spiral to the have not. I wrote about this earlier in the week. As I started to list off some Thank-Yous, I began crying just a little bit more. It went something like this-

* A wonderful husband who loves me with everything He has. He wants the best for me and points me to the Lord constantly.
* The opportunity to stay at home and not have to work. (This is something I've always wanted to do, but never thought possible.)
* A beautiful home that overlooks the Hudson River where I am able to wake up every morning and just marvel at His works.
* A home that even has sky lights in every room to help with my love of sunshine.
* The opportunity to be involved in BCM and impact the lives of cadets.
* Our church that focuses on loving God and loving their community and is a part of the SBC.
* A church that knows all about OCC.
* A group of women and a BIBLE study on West Point where I've been able to meet women who love Jesus.
* Making friends and going to lunch and craft days - two gals who have welcomed me to WP and made me feel like not so much of a loner.
* A gym where I can work out even when it's cold. 
* Connections that are being made so that I can make MORE friends.

And then His voice came, it said: IMMEASURABLY MORE. And I can't imagine life without Him. I can't imagine turning away from Him. I can't imagine not walking with and trusting my God who has done immeasurably more than all I've ever asked. And then I think - there may be doubts daily. Who are you God? Am I really saved? Do I believe all of this matters? And the simple prayer I prayed two years ago to see immeasurably more will continue to be answered - He will show me immeasurably more of Himself through my own doubts. And for that I am thankful. 


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. I am trying to do this right now too. To stop and focus on HIM and to pray instead of giving into doubts and fears. But if I'm being honest, I feel overwhelmed and filled with anxiety these days. I know this too shall pass, but right now - in the midst of it - it feels heavy. My heart is heavy. I pray for you, sweet friend, that the Lord will comfort you in this phase of life that he has brought you too. Know that you are never alone! XOXO

  3. Bless. It's tough sometimes when a lot of big changes happen at once, even when they're in the good category. Seriously, you are welcome to get in touch anytime if is encourage you to chat with someone a little father down the military wife Saying a prayer for you now.