Monday, May 4, 2015

My Gift

This beautiful day reminds me of God's faithfulness. In a time where I feel like I lack in so many areas, He is faithful to continuously draw me closer to Himself.

Jeremy and I were engaged a month ago today, and we will be married five months from yesterday. It is hard to process everything at one time. Being the planner that I am, I wanted to jump right in and get all details squared away. And for the most part, they are about as squared as they can get. I write today's post for myself mainly.

For years my only desire was to be a wife. I went to school to be a History teacher followed by learning more about women's ministry. That background would suit me well for being a wife and being involved in the church. There were countless.. countless.. nights that I cried and prayed for a husband. Just the right husband that God had for me. I did not understand why I briefly dated wonderful guys here and there but nothing quite worked out. I would stare at the closed door for a long time. What was wrong with me? Why didn't it work? I dove into the Bible more.. studying/scouring even.. to find that hope and assurance that one day I would be married. That promise is not there if you are looking for it! I did not perfectly trust God and His plans. In fact I rarely found myself trusting at all. What I do know is this.. the fact that I was even praying showed a trust in God. Hold on to that! When our faith wanes, our belief is strong because it pulls us to Him.

There were many times I prayed for a relationship that could only give God glory. And yet, I sit here still thinking to myself.. how in the world did that happen? It is in these moments that I must look to the Lord. His will. His way. His ways are higher. Jeremy found me. He found me on a blog. He found me three months after the fact of my friend's initial posting. He found me just at the end of my Bible study where I prayed for the Lord to keep any potentials away until I'd completed the study. He found me after I'd prayed for a husband on Valentine's Day. He found me. But the Lord directed His steps.

On Saturday I found my wedding dress with my family and best friend offering their opinions, applause, and approval. The one I actually selected is the one that made me tear up. In that dress, I realized the time had come. I was getting married. This wasn't for someone else. It was for me. It is still surreal to me. I'd planned on singleness for the rest of my life. But a simple email changed the course of my plans. I am thankful for God's goodness, His grace, His patience, and giving me the best friend that I didn't really think was possible.

He gave me Jeremy. I find myself pondering the fact that I didn't have to earn this. I like to earn and work for the prize. That's a wage. Jeremy is a gift. There is a difference. God is giving me a new role.. not an identity. My identity is as His child. My role will be as Jeremy's wife. My prayer is that I would be a faithful steward of that role. Not perfect, but faithful.

God is faithful. I can't explain it any other way.

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