Wednesday, January 15, 2014

LIfe Lately

Blog Silence.

But I'm back, and the silence has ended.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about writing over the past two weeks.  I have literally come to my page once, if not twice, a day and opened a blank document to begin. Nothing but crickets folks.  My mind is swirling and racing with blog posts and things to share, but I just couldn't find the words.  I still don't know if I've found the words. I mean yeah me and "and, or, but, so"- we will always be friends. Just not able to formulate the thoughts.  But to break the silence, we will ease into 2014 with a "Life Lately".

We are 15 days into this New Year, and it's been tough.  I've said it before; but when I'm silent on here, it's because I'm wrestling with the Lord.  It's a hard thing, but I'll contend all day long.  Until now -when I'm absolutely exhausted and there are no tears left in the ducts.  I've read and prayed and talked and prayed some more.  I realized several nights ago that I have been venturing through a dark season in my faith.  The season where you feel like God is so far away, and you can't do enough to get Him to pay attention.  You see my thought process there.  Not good; hence the tears.  But recognizing the truth of the season of darkness and recognizing that He is the one who will lead me out of it has been so new and honestly peaceful.  I woke up Sunday morning to the Holy Spirit's reminder of "I've never left you."  In church on Sunday, Tony simply said "Jesus forgives our sins." Well, yes of course Erin.  The problem is that part of my wrestling is me trying to forgive myself of my doubt, worry, mistrust, rebellion.  So I sat there on Sunday and said over and over again - Jesus forgives our sins.  Jesus forgives our sins.  Jesus forgives our sins.  NOT ME!  I can't do it!  I have this posted on my desk computer at work:  Choose to believe God's grace and mercy over Satan's guilt and shame.  I believe that.  I believe that we have to choose to believe God.  He opens the door, and we have to choose to walk through it.  By His grace, he leads us to it.  Praise God.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.  Because
of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his
compassions never fail.  They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself - The Lord is 
my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him."
Lamentations 3:21-4

On a completely different note, I have fallen in love with these fellas: .. The end.

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